How to Ask Someone out if You're Shy: 11 Steps (with Pictures) (2024)

Explore this Article

Co-authored bySuzanna Mathews

Last Updated: May 28, 2024References

Download Article

1. 1

   Look your best. Focus on the three key things that make a difference: hygiene and style, plus a smile. Be clean, dress well, wear comfortable and well maintained clothes, and always remember to smile. Smiling can automatically make you more relatable and radiant.^[1]

   • Make sure to brush your teeth or use mouthwash. Bad breath is a real turnoff.
2. 2

   Practice in the mirror. There is nothing quite so helpful as rehearsal; preparing your mind helps you to feel familiar with the situation. And when you have a speech prepared, it will go a lot better. If you don't practice you may blurt out: 'ummm er wanna...go out...with, umm...let's date' or something silly like that. Keep practicing until it feels natural, or at least okay. Practice conversation starters such as:

   • ”Hey, how is your day going?”
   • "Hey, you're Greg’s friend aren't you?”
   • “Do you want to hang out sometime?"
   • ”Would you like to go to dinner or grab a coffee sometime?”

   Advertisem*nt

3. 3

   Be confident. Confidence is important in any human interaction, but especially when asking someone out. Having confidence can help stop any stress or nervousness that might come up. Breathe deeply and focus on yourself overcoming your shyness.^[2]

Advertisem*nt

Download Article

1. 1

   Check out the situation. Look for a time to ask the special someone out when it is not too noisy or hectic (Crossing a busy street, standing in line at a crowded restaurant). Also don’t be somewhere quiet enough to get other people's attention and make the situation uncomfortable.

2. 2

   Wait until the person is alone. You may not want to ask anyone out when they are with friends. They may get shy and it could turn into an uncomfortable moment. Being alone will also let you stay focused on the person you are trying to talk to without any interference from others.

3. 3

   Smile and politely make eye contact. Don't stare, just give a sweet, cute smile and when they look at you, look for a bit then quickly look away. See if you get eye contact or a smile back. If so, that is a great sign that they may be interested in you.^[3]

Advertisem*nt

Download Article

1. 1

   Approach them calmly and casually. When they're sitting alone just sit next to them and eventually start a general chat. If it is someone you have never talked to before, start off a conversation with “Hey, do you mind if I join you?” If you're already acquaintances, ask them casual things such as "Hey, How are you?.... How have things been?”

2. 2

   Keep the conversation moving forward. Bring up your current location or the occasion (if it is at a party or meeting) you are attending to keep the conversation from getting too stale.^[4] Also, try to find a common interest that you share with the person to talk about in greater detail. Examples could be:

   • Entertainment
   • Travel
   • Reading
   • Art
   • School
3. 3

   Stay confident throughout the conversation. Keep your head held high. Be proud of yourself at all times. If you blush, or your shyness comes up in conversation, embrace it. Do not be embarrassed, but casually joke about it or speak about it lightheartedly.^[5]

   • Understand that if you make a mistake or stumble on your words then the other person probably won’t notice or care.^[6]
4. 4

   Ask them on a date. Once you have established a conversation that you think is going well, close out by asking the person on a date. Look them in the eye and use the lines you rehearsed to be clear and confident with your question. Start off small and ask them out to a movie, dinner or cup of coffee.

   • Make sure to exchange contact information and be clear on the time and place where the date will occur.
5. 5

   Keep your head up. If you get rejected, understand that rejection is a common thing that happens to everyone. The most important thing is to learn from the rejection and continue to try your luck elsewhere. Maybe it wasn’t meant to be with the person you liked. But you did get over your shyness and asked them out! That confirms that you can do again.

Advertisem*nt

Expert Q&A

Ask a Question

Tips

Thanks for submitting a tip for review!

Warnings

22 votes - 63%